Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
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