started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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