I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She just used a chaser for red wine.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
