It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
