guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
