he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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