i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
