If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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