He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
