call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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