I didn't shave. On purpose
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
