Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
