Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
