Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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