If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
