Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
