i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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