It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
