You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You are a booty call, not a friend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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