i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
