on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
