im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
