Kiss
Puke
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I need water and some morals
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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