Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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