I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
