8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
