I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
