and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
try to milk me bitch
Randomize