She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
