Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
