Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
