if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
