Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
