just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize