btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
