The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
