Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
