someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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