Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
