I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You can't just leave with hair like that
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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