If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
