last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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