so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
