don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
