I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
