now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
