You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
