69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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