I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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