i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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