I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
