So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
