my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
