He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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