It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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