just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
