Pappa wants mamma naked
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
