We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
