apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
