how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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