i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do herpes really smell.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
