Where is the hickey?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
