Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
