it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize