ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
she looked like the before picture.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
