Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
