If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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