He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
