No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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