I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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