my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
