I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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