apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
