his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
