Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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