oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
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