I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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