i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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