his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
