you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize