your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
