every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
