So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
