I think I am morally bankrupt
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
