wakey wakey hands off snakey
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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