So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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