I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
