eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
