Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
