so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
