who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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